Persistence is a better word for me than tenacious. I always viewed tenacious as being way too overbearing in getting what you want, but persistence is having the ability to be that constant drop of water, that eventually, over time creates a dent, which becomes a hole and causes change, hopefully for the good. Discerning God's direction has for me, been an act of faith and persistence. Its not like you get a rule book when you're born that gives you such detail that there is no way you can fail. Sure the Bible is a great checklist, but let's be honest, there are some things in there that are well frankly, lost in translation. Even with the best of intentions and prayerful approach, it is hard not to bring all the baggage of you with you when you start to read Scripture. If you and I are not careful or at least fully aware of that, we can easily fall into the trap of reading Scripture in a way that satisfies what we want to hear.
I am beginning to sense that in this new church start. I have been persistent in this development for 2 years, soon to be 3, and although some of you might be thinking, "well that's not a long time" according to church planting etiquette, its at least long enough to know whether something is going to work or not. Don't get me wrong, PlumbLine has had incredible success in reaching out to the community and in meeting new people, especially the unchurched. People in this community have come to associate the work of the new church start with a place that is committed to bringing justice and balance through our discipleship ministries, hence the name PlumbLine. That is exciting and fills me with some promise.
However, the worshipping community and the conflicting agendas of bringing a new church start with a failing congregation who was not ready and are resentful about the direction of the new church start is comparable to bringing a new adopted/or foster child into a family when that family is not ready. The step or foster child becomes the target on which to dump all of the dysfunction of the current family system and ultimately, it is abusive.
So how long is too long? What are the signs that tell you, "umm I think its time to reconsider this project." And how much of the projects momentum comes from your tenacious grip on what you consider to be the "great vision of God" without considering that this might be a drop in a longer commitment called pastoral ministry? Its kinda like Jacob sleeping on that rock at Bethel. (Gen.28) You have to be pretty exhausted to consider a rock to be your pillow. He was exhausted alright, exhausted from running, lying, and basically pushing his own plan and vision! I mean it wasn't his fault totally, this is what he learned from his own mother, lying and cheating each other was part of this family. You know, the family we all call the parents of our faith?
Jacob had to realize that this rock that he was sleeping on, was part of his own tenacious stubbornness, yet God was going to use to help him come to terms with what he had done. God says, "Go back" go back and make things right. Go back to the original vision. Go back to a place where there is harmony and go back to bring healing.
Maybe the long and short of it is, I have been sleeping on a rock! Not because I didn't have a genuine call, or that I didn't have good intentions, and not even because I didn't have a dream. But because there comes a time when certain places just need to be converted into an altar, a place of remembrance. So that you recognize that this is part of your learning experience, but then you have to move on.
For Jacob, the changing of his name did not occur to some time later, when he finally started on the journey back home. A lot of things happened in between that time, but ultimately all things led him back to the beginning. I guess that's the point.
Well, suffice it to say that sleeping on a rock can leave such a kink in the neck! My prayer is that everyday God's spirit will soften the rough places and smooth the tense and tired spiritual muscles in my heart and soul. My prayer is also that however, long or short this particular chapter in my life is, the point is to use this experience as one more sacred stop on a long journey back home to the center in me.
and........I could really use a new pillow!
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