Just as long as you come home!

In case you haven't had a chance to read my profile, I am a divorced single mother of an incredible 8 year old.  The challenge of parenthood is a daunting task, but add on to it singleness, financial struggles, and ministry, the task is daunting to the 4th power.  As with many single mothers, I go through those moments of complete guilt because I have to work long hours, 2 or 3 jobs in order to make ends meet.  This means that sometimes I get home just in time to see him nod off to sleep and kiss him goodnight, or I have to call him from where ever I am in the country to read over the phone or hear him tell me about his day.
In an ideal world, I would love the opportunity to be with him every single afternoon when he comes home from school, but the reality is that 2 or 3 times a week that I can wait for him at the school bus, is a good week!
I'm not complaining.  I have chosen to answer the call of God to ministry full time and this means that I have had to piece meal my work with other positions in the church in order to make it a full time salary, but I know that the most important ministry is my family.  My elderly father lives with us for most of the year, which means that he shares in the care of my son, and believe me I am blessed beyond measure because of it.  At the same time, it also means that I have cared for my father financially and physically over the years and now that he is a lot older that care needs to be even more intentional.  Nonetheless, I would not trade it for the world no matter how exhausted I feel when my head finally hits the pillow at night.
It was one of those nights last night when I finally walked in the door of my apartment and found that everyone had been tucked away for the night.  I went into my son's room and found him still awake and eager to give me a hug.  I knew it was at least an hour past his bedtime, but I was so happy to see him awake.  Kneeling down by his bed, and with a heart full of remorse and guilt,  I whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry that I came home later than I had promised, baby."
For an eight year old, my son is pretty articulate which comes from his avid reading.  He is like a walking national geographic book, as well as being very well versed in all things Pokemon! (Drives me crazy...because I don't know who or what Hariku is!)  Sharing his feelings with me has never been a problem and he is constantly surprising me with his insight.  Tonight he surprised me again because it was if he could sense that I was feeling like crap because I came home later than expected, when he put his arms around me and gently tucked his face in my neck and softly responds, "its okay mami, just as long as you come home."
Words cannot express the shower of mercy that gently began to wash away all of my anxiety, guilt and shame.  God spoke through that little boy, and as Jacob said, "I almost missed it."  For him, it wasn't about when I got home, it was about getting home and taking my place beside him.  It wasn't about where I had been or what I was doing, it was about this moment and making it the quality that it needed to be.
Maybe for some this has nothing to do with church planting, but I beg to differ.  My measuring up as a church plant pastor has nothing to do with all the things that I do, or the achievements that I gain.  The bottom line is how we welcome people home.  How we prepare our ministries in such a way that people who are feeling guilty, depressed, full of shame, with difficulties in their lives, running from one thing to another, can come to hear the words of Christ saying to them, "just as long as you come home." This is the most amazing gift we can give and the most important tool for measuring effectiveness in ministry.

My son asked if he could come to my bed until he fell asleep, and despite what other people say, letting your child crawl in bed with you once in a while is not going to make him grow up into a mamma's boy.  Sometimes crawling into safe arms is just what we all need in order to sooth the soul and quiet the heart.
I built my altar of pillows and a warm comforter and we both looked at each other  with his tiny hand in mine.  Before he finally dozed off, I just had to say to him "you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I thank you."  He simply smiled and went off to sleep and so did I happy, very happy.